Aprils fools, p.26
April's Fools, page 26
“We still on for lunch tomorrow, Trouble?” my dad asks as he follows the officers.
“Yes, sir,” I shout over my shoulder as I grab Madix with my other hand and pull them all back into the house. I make it one step through the doorway and then release the laughter I’ve been choking down this entire time. I picture the look on the Robissons’ faces and I collapse on the couch into a giggling fit.
Theo starts chuckling with me, and I try to thank him for the idea, but I can’t stop laughing long enough to create words. Madix nips at my neck and announces that he’s going to go finish the laundry, because the dude seriously gets off on cleaning. I work to get a grip on myself, but when I think about how they tore up the paperwork to get the car repainted, I’m lost to the laughs again.
“You know you’re hot as fuck when you’re pissing people off right?” Theo teases, kissing the tip of my nose.
I pull back but I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him toward my lips for more. He groans into my mouth when I use my tongue to play with his, and tickles my side. I squirm away from him and slap his hand away when he feints like he’s coming for me again.
“You’ve already had over a dozen orgasms this morning and it’s not even lunch time.”
“What’s your point?” I ask, confused by where he’s going with this.
Brant laughs and plops down on the couch next to me, pulling me into his lap. “Are we going to have to start recruiting a fourth man to help us keep up with your daily orgasm quota?” he teases, while he runs his hand languidly down my side. The caress pulls goosebumps from my skin and wetness from my pussy.
“Not a chance in hell,” Madix growls, appearing behind us, making me laugh. “Hey, I found this in the pocket of your shorts.” He hands me a dirty piece of paper, and I unfold it to see my name written in my dad’s handwriting.
“Oh, I forgot about this,” I announce absently, as I run my finger under the sealed lip and tear the envelope open. I unfold the paper inside and stare at the words written there. I’m not sure how long I stay that way, before a slow smile takes over my face. I look up to find the guys staring at me.
“So, what does it say? Don’t keep us hanging,” Theo insists, so I hand him the letter.
He reads it and his eyebrows furrow in confusion before he shakes his head and gives an amused chuckle. Brant grabs for the letter next, and then Madix steals the paper from Brant’s hands, just as Brant looks at me in shock.
“Did your dad...ship you with three guys?” he asks incredulously.
I laugh and lean over to kiss him. “Like I said, bigger freaks in this town than you, boys.”
I look over to catch Madix reading the sentence over and over again. Finally, he holds it out to me, but when I go to reach for it, he grabs my hand and uses it as leverage to pull me up from the couch and over his shoulder. Madix slaps my ass hard and then palms it possessively.
“Fuck yes, you are,” he says in answer to the letter, as he starts to carry me down the hallway to his room.
I bounce on his shoulder and read the one sentence that’s written on the worn and dirty paper again.
“You’d be good for them.”
Warmth fills me at all of the love that those five words convey, and I vow to treasure the man who wrote those words and the men they were written about, forever.
“Who wants to play pin the tail on a naked Remi?” I throw out behind me, and I laugh when all three of them throw up a hand and shout, “I do.”
“You guys are fools,” I tease.
Brant chuckles. “Yeah, but we’re your fools.”
I beam. He’s right about that. And to think, the world only had to fake end for us to get here. Go figure.
The End
Raven and Ivy’s tips to surviving the Handshake Plague
1. It’s called the Handshake Plague, so, like...wash your hands, bro. And don’t be giving out handshakes all willy nilly. That would just be dumb.
2. Tap into your inner voyeur. Watch so you don’t drop dead. Touch only after you’ve quarantined the other party for at least a week. Oh, and stock up on toilet paper. That shit could be currency in the near future.
3. Are you an introvert? Do you try to avoid peopling as much as possible? Then you’re in luck! With this plague, becoming a hermit is now socially acceptable. This is your time to shine you awesome recluse, you.
4. Have you been considering kidnapping hot guys for your amusement? Well, nothing gives you permission like the end of the world. Brush up on those trapping skills and build that harem you’ve always dreamed of. They’ll totally get on board at some point. Just make sure you have enough sexy lingerie and canned beans on hand to seal the deal.
5. Is that potted plant in your living room wilting? Do you somehow manage to even kill fake plants? I sure hope not. Grocery stores are a thing of the past, so grab a marker and color that thumb green, baby. You gotta grow your own food now.
6. Heads up, Costco is probably going to become the new place to be. Weapons, food, and pretty much anything else you could need to survive the apocalypse is all there. So pick an aisle and stake a claim. You’ll thank me later.
7. Need to get away from someone annoying? All you gotta do is a sneeze and cough a little. Trust me, it’ll clear a room.
8. Stock up on board games. If you don’t know what those are, google it quickly, before the internet goes down. Too late? Thank fuck you read as much as you do, because outside of the good times with your new harem, that’s about all the entertainment you’re going to get.
9. Hunting and foraging is the new ‘it’ hobby. Seriously. Everyone in Endstone is doing it. So lace up those hiking boots and get all nature-ey and shit. It’s probably best if you leave the wild mushrooms behind though. There’s enough crazy going on in this town already.
10. Communes are the new cul de sac. Those doomsday preppers everyone used to make fun of are now your best bet for survival. So cross your fingers that they’ll let you hang with them. I mean, you’re awesome, so I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to have you, but maybe take a plate of brownies to sweeten up that first impression. No one says no to brownies, and if they do, that is not the cult you want to join.
Well, that’s it! Follow these foolproof steps, and you should be all set to survive a plague. I mean, probably not a real one, so don’t get too excited, but you’re going to own the shit out of the fake ones!
We love you! Thank you so much for reading! Thank you to the squad of amazing people who help make these books possible. Thank you, awesome reader, for taking a chance on us and jumping into another world straight from the confines of our crazy brains. Here’s to the next one!
Love,
Raven and Ivy
About Raven Kennedy
Raven Kennedy lives in California with her family. She is most known for her international bestselling Heart Hassle series. She writes in a range of genres, including dark romances, romantic comedies, contemporary, and fantasy. Whether she makes you laugh or cry, she hopes to connect with readers and create characters you can root for.
You can follow her on her (adult-only) Facebook Reader Group for insider information, games, giveaways, and more!
You can also sign up for RK’s newsletter to stay up to date on new releases by clicking here.
Visit Raven Kennedy’s website here.
About Ivy Asher
Ivy Asher is the international bestselling author of The Lost Sentinel series. She is addicted to chai, swearing, and laughing a lot—but not in a creepy, laughing alone kind of way. She loves the snow, books, and her family of two humans, and three fur-babies. She has worlds and characters just floating around in her head, and she’s lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing people who support that kind of crazy.
Join her Facebook Reader Group to get updates on her upcoming books.
Sign up for updates via her newsletter by clicking here.
Check out her website here.
That got a little bossy towards the end, but you know you liked it. ;)
Ivy Asher, April's Fools
