Contents

  Blurb

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Epilogue

  FREE COPY

  About the Author

  I should have been there.

  I told her not to leave without me, but she didn’t listen.

  And now she’s gone.

  No one remembers her—not like I do.

  I refuse to let her memory die.

  She was a good girl and fell for the wrong kind of guy. It wasn’t her fault.

  I think that once I find him, I’ll be able to put the beast inside of me to rest.

  The one that feels nothing.

  The one that wants blood and vengeance.

  I’m sorry, Libby.

  I promise I’ll find him.

  Even if it means going into the dark.

  The fire crackles sending burnt embers into the cool, night air. I raise the bottle to my lips and sigh as I sway slightly on my feet. As I take another gulp of the bitter, sharp brew, I see a star shining high in the heavens, and an errant tear rolls down my cheek.

  I know she’s here with me in spirit, but she should be here in fucking body too, I think as I angrily wipe it away.

  The neck of the bottle slips through my hand, snagging on the tips of my fingers as I turn my eyes back to the fire burning in front of me.

  “I’m sorry, Libby. I should have been there,” I say softly. Each time I say her name, I feel like my soul is being torn in two, but I can’t let her memory die. And lately, it seems that I’m the only one left that remembers her.

  Not anymore, I think as I brush the tip of my nose with my fist.

  She died three years ago tonight.

  She was the good girl; the one that everyone looked up to—the one that everyone wanted to protect.

  She decided to take a year off from school and do some traveling. I wanted to go with her, I fucking begged her to let me, but she told me that she would be okay and when she came back, she’d tell me all about her adventures and promised me that we’d pick up where we left off.

  I didn’t know that she didn’t really go alone, though.

  She kept it a secret from me because it was her way of sparing me the pain.

  Libby always wanted to live a happy life and hated having loose ends. She invited the one boy that used to torment her during high school thinking she could change him.

  Had she told me that, things would have been so fucking different.

  I close my eyes for a moment as my fist tightens around the neck of the beer bottle.

  I ended up getting a call five days after she went missing.

  Five fucking days.

  Two days after that, they found her body.

  And he was nowhere to be found.

  I crack my neck as my eyes flutter open again.

  I made a promise to Libby the day that we buried her that I would make sure that everyone would remember her name, and so far, I’ve failed.

  “Not anymore,” I whisper as I glance at the heap next to the fire.

  I’ll finish what I started and when I’m done, when everyone knows who the fuck Libby Shepherd was.

  “I promise,” I say softly, turning my eyes back toward the fire.

  Inhaling a deep breath, I toss the half-empty bottle into the fire and get back to work.

  It took me almost an entire year to find him, and when I did, he denied everything. He said that he dumped her the moment the plane landed and went off to see the Outback by himself.

  But I remember all of the things I learned when I was a young River Scout growing up in Salem, Oregon. I was part of the Silver Scorpions troop which always suited me because scorpions are deadly predators. Feared by most and always ready to defend what’s rightfully theirs. And since I couldn’t be there for her then, I’m making damn sure that I can be now.

  Part of earning my backpacker badge was being able to easily track things that needed to be found.

  And besides Libby, I can’t think of anything more than I need in my entire life right now.

  I blow out my breath as I use both hands to smooth my hair back before I reach down and open my drawstring bag. I crouch down so I can angle it toward the fire and use the light from it without attracting any unwanted attention. Of course, being this far into the wilderness means I won’t be seen by anyone.

  Not at this time of night.

  I retrieve the tan, leather carpenters gloves from the bag, then pull them securely onto my hands before I fish around inside a little longer until I find the pliers I bought at a hardware store two days ago.

  My patience has finally paid off, I muse with a chuckle as I stand up, walk over to the heap, and shove it onto it’s back.

  “Time to wake up,” I tell him as I reach down and slap him across the face.

  He grunts as his eyes closed tightly, then lets out a pained groan as he attempts to open them.

  When he’s lucid enough for my liking, I stand back up to my full height and look up at the star again. I have to make sure that she’s still watching me because everything I’m going to do from this moment forward will be for her.

  “I’m Harvey. I don’t know if you remember me,” I begin quietly as the star becomes temporarily hidden by a lazy cloud drifting by it. Another grunt and the shift of dirt and debris as he begins to struggle against the shock cords I wrapped tightly around his body. That’s one of the first things they teach you when you’re a River Scout—how to tie secure knots—and I never thought it would come in handy outside of the special moments I spent with Libby.

  “Anyway,” I continue, wondering if he heard my thoughts, “I remember you. That’s why I flew half way across the world. To find you. And I did.”

  “Fuck you,” he spits at me, getting my attention. I glance down at him and chuckle. This isn’t the best time for him to act tough, but I do have to appreciate his spirt if nothing else.

  “You took Libby from me,” I say as I crouch down in front of him, scratching the side of my face with the pliers. He tries to inch away from me, but only succeeds in rolling closer. I smile at him because I admire his resolve. “Why? Why her?”

  “I didn’t—”

  I pull my arm back and blast him across the face with the pliers as hard as I can. A gush of blood seeps from his now busted lip and when he spits out a tooth, I pick it up and hold it toward the flames. With a flick of my wrist, I toss it into the fire, then give him my undivided attention for the last time.

  “Tsk, tsk, tsk. If you can’t tell me the truth, then I’d rather you not speak at all.”

  I move toward him quickly, pushing him onto his back again, pinning him to the ground with a knee to the chest.

  “You were always such hot shit in high school, Parker. Always tormenting Libby to make yourself look good in front of your friends, and I’ll tell you a secret,” I say as I lean close enough to smell the fear on him. “I was the only person that noticed.”

  Fury takes over me as I smash my forehead against his.

  Over and over until I’m so damn close to blacking out from the pain I should be feeling myself, that I stop and take a deep breath. I haven’t felt anything since Libby died, and I’ve always wondered if doing this to him would help.

  I shake my head briefly as I use one hand to pry his mouth as far open as it will go, then grip his two front teeth firmly in the pliers. I let go of his mouth and slap down on the wrist holding the pliers, ripping his teeth out at the roots. He lets out a howl as I toss the teeth into the fire.

  But something is different now.

  … I think I do feel something.

  Being here with Parker is making me feel alive again.

  For the first time in three years.

  I was right; this is what Libby would have wanted.

  When I wake up the next morning, I put my hands on my face and sigh.

  Taking a deep breath, I let them fall to my side and stare at the cracked, white ceiling above my head.

  Last night, I felt something.

  Today, I only feel the same empty, cold feeling in my heart.

  The frost that settled when Libby died has never really thawed out, but I had hoped that after last night, there would have at least been a crack in the ice.

  I let my thoughts go back to last night.

  I had him in the wilderness, where no one would be able to find us, and I didn’t.

  It wasn’t Parker and I knew it.

  But I said everything I wanted to and did most of what he deserves to have happen to him.

  That bastard keeps slipping away just as soon as I find him, so the only way to try and keep my head on straight is to kill him over and over.

  It shows Libby how much I miss her and how goddamn loved she still is.

  I rub my eyes with the palms of my hands before I get out of bed. I’ve been renting a house near the Southern Highlands since I’ve always felt safest in the wild.

  I guess it’s because I can relate to rugged terrain hidden behind a glorious landscape.

  Something beautiful to mask the ugliness within.

  Libby never saw the ugly in me.

  Not even when I showed her how bad of a guy I really was. She loved me without second thought and made me feel like I was always be autiful despite the coarse disposition I often displayed.

  And Parker fucking took that away from me.

  From us.

  I walk toward the kitchen feeling groggier than ever.

  It has nothing to do with how many beers I drank last night before I started my work on the stand-in, and more because every morning that I wake up in a world without Libby, becomes even more impossible to bear.

  I press the button on the coffee machine then lay the palms of my hands against the cool countertop. I left the windows open before I left a couple of days ago and I’m surprised that I didn’t come in to some of Australia’s more interesting creatures crawling through my temporary home.

  Even so, I would welcome the company.

  It would be nice to have a friend, regardless of what it happens to be, and to have someone to talk to.

  I sigh as I stand up straight and cross my arms over my chest.

  The only words that are worth saying anymore are the ones that I’ll get to say to Parker himself when I manage to catch him.

  I’m going to make him understand what he did, and he’ll feel every ounce of pain I’m going to lay at his feet.

  It’s the only way to feel normal again.

  “Harvey?”

  I grunt at the sound of the voice drifting through the small kitchen window. Without even turning to look, I know it’s Keane.

  I like this spot in particular because the houses are all spaced out. The community is private, small, and no one sticks their noses in anyone else’s business.

  And while I don’t really care about the rest of the people on this planet, Keane’s had my attention since I first moved in.

  He lives a few houses away and has a tendency to check up on me every now and again to make sure that I’m still alive.

  Apparently, I strike him as the suicidal type.

  Whatever that happens to be.

  I take a deep breath as I cast a glance in his direction, giving him a small nod as a greeting.

  “Been out hunting again?” he asks cheerfully as he rests his arms on the window sill.

  I chuckle quietly as I turn my attention back to the machine in front of me as it slowly begins to pour the bitter brew into my mug.

  I don’t answer him right away, which he’s used to. Instead, I go to the fridge, grab a carton of milk, then pour some into the mug before adding sugar and taking a sip.

  “Something like that,” I say quietly as I lean against the counter and give him my attention again.

  “Catch anything big?”

  “Not this time.”

  “Ah well, there’s always the next trip,” he assures me as he leans out of the window.

  I watch him carefully as he crouches out of sight for a moment, then leans back into the window with a small pile of envelopes. “I have your mail.”

  I walk over and take it from him, giving him another nod, then toss it all on the counter.

  I can rifle through that later.

  Especially since I know it’s probably nothing more than periodicals, junk mail, and welcome new neighbor bullshit that I’m still receiving even a few months after having been here.

  “The front door is open,” I tell him before I take another sip of my coffee.

  “Ah, that’s alright,” he replies as he waves off the invitation.

  With as friendly as Keane is, he’s never once set foot inside of my home. I think he’s afraid of me, which I find kind of amusing considering I haven’t given him a reason to be.

  Yet.

  “Maybe tomorrow?” I ask quietly as I turn my eyes slowly toward him.

  He chuckles nervously as he gives me a wave then disappears from sight.

  Then again, maybe I have.

  After I spent most of the morning drinking coffee and staring mindlessly at the television, I decided to get dressed.

  I have to get over to the local outdoor equipment store. I spent way too much time and money practicing on the bastard from last night, that I need to restock some supplies.

  It was almost perfect, though, I tell myself with a small smile as I reach the front door. I fish around in my side pocket then nod when I feel the keys to my sleek, gunmetal-colored SportsCat.

  I wasn’t planning on being here long enough to own a car, but after a few weeks, I decided that if I was going to do this, then I would have to go all out.

  As I walk outside and close the door firmly behind me, I smile slightly at the sight of the vehicle. I picked it in particular because of its smooth ability to climb over rough terrain.

  I honestly thought I would have to move mountains to find Parker when I arrived, but I know where he is and it’s only a matter of time now.

  Still, I like being able to drive something as nice as this and before I leave, I’ll transfer the ownership over to Keane.

  It’ll be a brilliant way to cover any tracks I manage to leave behind.

  I blow out a breath as I run a hand back through my hair, then pull the car door open and get in. I have no idea where much of anything is even after living here for a couple of years, but I always find what I need.

  And even though I found Parker, I haven’t classified him as something I need.

  He’s a want.

  A necessity.

  A means to end the intolerable fucking pain caused by the day that Libby died.

  The burden that I inhale like poison into my lungs every minute of every day since then because I wasn’t there to keep her safe.

  Yet somehow, he keeps managing to get away from me. Not that he’s seen me yet, because if he had, he would know to get the fuck out of this country as soon as possible.

  Of course, it wouldn’t do much good.

  I’d simply keep following him.

  Learn the ins and outs of his newest home, hike through the national parks, find what I need to take care of him when the time comes, then finally be able to tell Libby that it’s over.

  With a sigh, I shake away the thoughts of failure and slip the key into the ignition, bringing the truck to life. I pause for a moment before I begin to slowly back down the driveway, until I’m able to safely turn around, then press down on the gas and make my way quickly into town.

  After forty-five minutes of driving, I pull into the parking lot of a small strip mall I’ve driven by many times.

  It was one of the signs that got my attention.

  Wild Soul Outdoors and Camping Equipment.

  That was my Libby.

  A free-spirited beautiful girl that would give the shirt off her back for anyone that needed it.

  An untamed soul that loved so fucking freely, that it ended up being the very reason that she’s gone now.

  I clear my throat as I scan the rows, driving by them slowly in case I see an open spot.

  But it seems like everyone in this goddamn city wants to shop in this very place today. Fortunately for me, I’m a very patient man and don’t mind driving around in circles until someone comes out and leaves.

  I pull over to an unoccupied side of the parking lot, put the truck in neutral, and press the button for my blinkers.

  Leaning back in my seat, I run a hand over my face briefly before I turn my eyes toward the driver’s side window.

  There could be one hundred and one other places to shop around here, but this is the exact place I need to be.

  It’s practically named for Libby.

  More proof that I’m doing the right thing by her.

  I lean forward in the seat, resting my forehead against the steering wheel and close my eyes for a moment.

  I’m not usually one to get hangovers but I think I drank a little bit too much last night.

  Considering it was my first time really practicing on what I’ll do to Parker when I get my hands on him, I think it was just a way to steel the nerves I wasn’t expecting to have.

  I startle at the sound of someone laying on their car horn behind me. I accidentally fell asleep and apparently, the prick behind me thinks that I’m blocking traffic even though I know I’m not.

  I press the button on the console to lower the window and wave an arm out, letting them know that I’m going to move.

 

1 2 3 4