Fishers fables, p.14
Fisher's Fables, page 14
part #1 of Kent Fisher Mystery Series
“That’s right, there’s no charge code for it,” Kelly says. “And if you want to raise money from anything, you’ll need to add it to the charges book, Kent.”
“Does that include internal courses?” I ask.
“Probably.” Kelly looks up and grins. “It’s only updated every April, so you have at least six months before Roland can charge you for his new course.”
Gemma gasps. “We only update the charges book once a year?”
“Yeah.”
“So, if we hit on a really good idea, we have to wait until April before we can do anything? No wonder we’re in a mess.”
We’re in an even bigger mess when Danni instructs me to begin negotiations with our neighbouring councils.
“We’re going to carry out food inspections for them,” she tells me as we sit cosily on the sofa in her office. “They’re struggling to meet their targets, so we’ll do the inspections and charge them for the privilege.”
“We can’t complete our own inspection programme, Danni. How are we supposed to do theirs as well? Take on contractors to do the work?”
She shakes her head at me like I’m a hopeless case. “Roland says we shouldn’t worry if we fail to meet our inspection programme. Lots of authorities don’t and nothing happens to them.”
“I don’t think our councillors will take such a relaxed view.”
“They will when they see the income we’ll generate.”
“So, every authority in East Sussex gets all their inspections done, thanks to us, while we don’t do any of ours.”
She pushes a strand of blonde hair behind her ear while she considers this. “I suppose we could get a cheap contractor in for our worst premises.”
“Or ask one of our neighbours to do them for us.”
Her eyes widen. “I like your thinking, Kent. Reciprocal charging. We charge them twice what we pay them to do our visits and make a killing. I still prefer to use a contract inspector though. If they’re rubbish, you can refuse to pay them or get a rebate.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing this.
“Tough times,” she says, patting my knee, “demand tough measures. Now, have you given any further thought to hiring out Gemma to Roland’s team? He thinks she’d be perfect for nightime monitoring visits.”
“I’ll bet he does,” I say, with more venom than I intended.
“Do I detect a tinge of jealousy, Kent?” She chuckles and pats me on the knee again. “Have you still got feelings for her?”
“Not really.”
“That kind of suggests you have. Didn’t she have a pair of your boxer shorts?”
“They weren’t mine.”
Now I’ve really got her attention.
“So, what happened?”
As I don’t know why Gemma’s mother claimed the boxer shorts were mine, I can’t explain what happened.
“Gemma and I spent a week together a few years ago,” I say. “That’s all.”
“Clearly it’s not.” Danni studies me closely, making me twitch even more. “You really are a rubbish liar when it comes to women, Kent. So, how long ago was it? She’s a lot younger than you, so she must have been just out of nappies when you knew her.”
“She was old enough to know what she wanted,” I say, my voice rising despite my efforts to remain calm. “We had a laugh, we went our different ways.”
“Until fate brought you back together,” she says in a simpering tone. “Or was it the boxer shorts?”
When I say nothing, she sighs. “Seriously, Kent, you should tell her how you feel.”
“What’s to tell?” I glance at my watch and get to my feet. “She’s a colleague.”
“A very attractive colleague, who seems to think a lot of you, I’d say.”
I stop at the door and turn. “She’s engaged, Danni.”
“No wonder you’re so grumpy. Have you just found out?”
“She invited me to the engagement party yesterday.”
“Will you go?”
“Of course,” I reply, aware I’m fooling no one. “Why wouldn’t I? Now, tell me you’re not serious about her working for Roland.”
She shakes her head. “I want her to do inspections in the other authorities.”
Danni walks over and gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know you think it’s a crazy idea, Kent, but if we streamline the process to the legal minimum, ensure the other council deal with any problems we find, and we inspect only their best rated premises, we can make it work.”
“Have you had any takers?”
“They all hate the idea, but I’ve undercut the prices they were given by a contractor, so how can they refuse?”
When she tells me how much we’re going to charge per inspection, I know I’ll need a miracle to get out of this.
The following morning, I return home at six thirty after a night watching badgers in nearby woodland. Tired, hot and sweaty, I need a cup of tea and a shower before I go to bed. I’m just about to step into the bathroom when the phone rings.
“There’s been a fatal work accident at Tombstone Adventure Park,” Danni tells me, her voice full of urgency. “I need you out there now.”
“I’m not sure I’m the right person –”
“Nonsense,” she says, cutting me off. “You’re the best officer for the job.”
And the worst …
The story continues in No Accident, the first Kent Fisher murder mystery, available from Amazon and other online retailers.
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Robert Crouch
Robert Crouch, Fisher's Fables
